I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Text me some of your sweat
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
