In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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