Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
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I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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