I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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