once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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