so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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