You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
