anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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