is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
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He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
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I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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