how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
