Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
