Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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