Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
