Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
