Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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