STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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