I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
