Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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