he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
