Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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