Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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