Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
