a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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