She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
