So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
