I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
