i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
