first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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