just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
