All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
