we have officially lost it.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
