I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
