she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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