oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize