kristin has been a bad kristin
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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