I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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