i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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