Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
