you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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