Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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