I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
