somebody snuck up and got me drunk
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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