we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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