Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
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My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
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I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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