at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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