is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
