today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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