whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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