Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
