time to smoke my breakfast
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You are a genius and a whore.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
