Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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