her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
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I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
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She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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