I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
