Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
