She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Who died my cat blue again?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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