i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
