Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
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I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I have already put on my inside pants.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Never underestimate the power of titties
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