This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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