I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
