I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think your dad took our porno
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
