Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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