; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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