two words...techno handjob
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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