she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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