you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
