I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
