im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
