five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize