Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
